Mk's Incomplete Thoughts: Food Porn.

Warning: This is inappropriate, as is everything that crosses my mind at 4am. 

You have been warned.

It's not too late to turn back.

Mara and Emmy have gotten me into a dirty little habit: watching the Food Network and other Cooking-related programming. And my God am I a glutton for punishment. This sort of programming is absolute torture, but I can't stop. Which got me thinking...

I know this subject has been addressed by countless people, mostly comedians, but really, why can't food porn work?

I suppose more accurately, my question is: why isn't there some sort of masturbation for food? No seriously. Why  is it that looking at some pictures or some video is enough to help one relieve the immediate sexual tensions, but when it comes to food, looking at pictures and watching video of cooking only serves to make me ravenously hungry.  It sucks. I can't look at food without without my stomach screaming at me, like I'm some kind of twisted, fat bitch version of Pavlov's dog or something. It's agony.

"Food porn" is strangely popular on weightloss blogs and I... I just don't get it. How can people put themselves through this sort of self-torture. Unless all dieters are masochists...

Grocery Shopping

Well, after a terrible weekend of football games, band competition and late nights, I'm getting back on track. Just got back from the grocery store with lots of healthy food. Here are some purchases: eggplant, zucchini and squash, asparagus, baby spinach, salmon, mahi mahi, yogurt and granola, soy milk, turkey bacon, and brown rice. There was some other stuff in there too, but that was most of it. Oh I got some of that baby bell cheese stuff Emmy told me about. I'm quite excited to start cooking this week. Got some ideas up here in my head. Looking at one recipe for mahi mahi with mango sauce and saffron risotto. I have to see if the international grocer has saffron. Anywho, sorry for a boring post. recipe review sometime this week

Mara

Proper Introduction

Hi. My name is Mara. Let me first say, I've never been thin, so I by no means and expecting to be a model in a years time. Like Mary, I'm not going to set number goals. I will use numbers as references, but I've got a different goal. There are a lot of runners here in Morgantown. Girls in shorts and tees: running. They aren't always super skinny, but they look focused and healthy. Two things I am not. Thats my goal. I want to be on of those runners. I've got a long time to get there, and to start, I'm going to make some confessions. I suppose thats what I can call them. This is the kinda stuff I barely like to tell my self, let alone the world. But I think its a key part of my success. So here it goes.

I am fat. I look around at all the people around me, and when i see people of similar size to me, I think its gross, but I fail to realize thats what I look like. I don't see my self in mirrors very often, nor do I see my self in pictures.   When I do, it frequently ends in tears when I do. I am in a state of denial. I've thought a lot about how to break this. I've considered a daily photo diary, but its hard to take a picture of myself. I've though about getting my other half to do it, but honestly he hasnt been very supportive, though that is partially my fault. I've said over and over and over and over again that it was time to change and that this time was different. It never was different. (brace yourself for overloads of cliche) this time is different. Seriously though, it is. I am taking a different approach to this, and I've spent a lot more time thinking about the why. It is about me. It is about my health. It is about me feeling good about my self. Its about feeling good.

I need to change my relationship with food. First of all, I frequently eat out of habit rather then hunger. There are certain times in my day I usually eat. So hungry or not, I eat. this gives me extra unnecessary calories. I also love to cook. and eat. and have people eat my food I cooked. So here is where something else is going to come in. I'm going to find a healthy recipe, cook it, then tell you guys about it. at least once a week. I'm also going to set some rules for my self. 1. No more soda. I don't drink it much to begin with, but its done with now. 2. Eat breakfast. even if its just a rice cake, its something. I've got a few more rules in me but my eyelids refuse to stay open much longer.

And with that, I ate 1883 calories today.

Meet Mk.

Holy shiitake mushrooms guys! I must admit, I was convinced that right from the beginning I would have to bug the hell out of these other two to get them to actually do this thing (the blogging, not the weight loss, we all know that all three of us are going to have to be relentless in that aspect.) so imagine my excitement when I check this morning and there's already two posts that I didn't have to force out of them! Let's hope we can all keep it up. 

12 Steppers would be proud. We've all done step 1 and admitted we have a problem, that it's taken over our lives and we have to do something about it.

I'm not going to pick a number and declare it to be my weight loss goal, because every time I get wrapped up in numbers like that, I just fail. instead, I'm just going to use pictures. The picture to the left is from I believe 2007? (I started dying my hair red in December of my Senior year of High school which was 2006, and this is definitely a pic from one of Mara's family's Christmas parties, so judging by the length of my hair I'm assuming it's 2007. *nod*) That's my little sister's sweatshirt I'm wearing there, and it was a little snug then. I can't even get it on now.  And dang it, I love that hoodie. I don't think Nano actually wore it much at all.  So part one of the goal is just getting back into clothes that I can't wear anymore. (Aside from the hoodies and t-shirts) I used to have a budding sense of fashion, but these days shopping is such a chore; it's really hard to find things that fit and all of those things are either affordable and ugly, or fashionable and really, really expensive.  I miss liking my clothes.

And aside from my clothes, just look at my face. These days, I look like this (Allergy eyes and everything):

I just... I think look old. I don't look 22. I've gained so much weight and it's completely obvious just by looking  right there in my face. It's ugly, and I hate it. When I smile, my eyes disappear behind my fat round cheeks. The fat in my cheeks even makes me have this weird perma-frown thing going on, which also makes me look like an old lady. I even have that nasty round lump of fat under my chin. I didn't have that when I was just simply overweight, a hundred pounds ago. A hundred pounds ago, I was still overweight, still fat by most standards  but I at least took a decent picture (most of the time, anyway XD)

So another thing I want, is to just get my face back, like in this picture here --->

I realize I was what, 17 in this picture, so I'm under no delusions that I'll look exactly like this again, but this is what my face is suppose to look like. Oval, with a semi-pointed chin. Not this birthday balloon thing I've got going on now.

So, that's what I want at this point. I want my face back. I want my clothes back. I want to be able to go to a restaurant and not have to worry about whether or not I'll fit in the booth without sitting awkwardly. I want my stomach to not stick out further than my boobs. And I swear to God if I get asked if I'm pregnant one more time I'm going to kill someone...

Once I figure out where my frakking measuring tape has gotten to, I'll go ahead and post the "Before Stats."

You can also find me over at my own blog: Project Ehmkay Ultra

An Introduction

My name is Emmylou, I go by Emmy in most cases, and I am just beginning this concept of blogging. I have put up a major fight against blogging for years, strictly because I have very little time in my life as it is and it always seemed too trendy for me to want to participate in. As the years have passed, I have realized I am wrong in at least the later concept. It isn't a matter of trends. It is a matter of expression and I have feelings I wish to express.

If I am honest with myself, I have also failed to participate in blogging because of my fear of criticism. I need to get over this fear. I need to be able to criticize myself without trying to make myself feel better. Goodbye, sugar coating concept.

Perhaps one day I will embark upon a blog of my own. I do enjoy writing. I spent four years of my higher eduction focused on writing and literature. In addition to this, I have been absorbed in written online roleplay since I was thirteen years old. I've begun to dabble in the realm of writing with the intention of eventual publication (of course, after the help of a massive editor. Be warned, I have trouble with grammar and I stopped caring long ago. I believe narrative always trumps grammar in the scale of importance). I believe it is fair to say I have a passion for writing. For now, I am here, on Fat Club, to write about my life. I am here to be honest. This honesty is not for the internet but for myself. I am ready to admit that I need help with my physical appearance and actual weight. Being honest with myself is the only way to truly begin to make a change.

I view this blog, the Fat Club, as a true good for myself and my two best friends. The three of us have all admitted that we need help. We need to remain motivated in our personal pursuits. And as society has always said, there is strength in numbers.

Emmy the Fangirl

Day .5

This is the night it starts. I am ready to make a change. I've come to terms with the fact that its been too long. I am looking forward to this road dragging/being dragged by my two best friends. Now that I've said it starts, I gotta figure out how exactly to do this. I know everything I need to do. I've done this once before and counting every single little calorie I ate worked really really well. So I suppose thats my plan. Also, need to go grocery shopping, and not while i'm hungry. Thankfully I fully enjoy fruits and vegetables, so that should help. The hard part is deciding to eat them and not the cookie. I think its time to start my morning breakfast smoothie again. I'll have to get soy milk and some cranberry juice, but its well worth it. For those of you interested, frozen fruits, soy milk and some sort of purple food juice (crannberry, pomegranate, ect), blend until smooth and drink. its delicious. and nutritious! Goodnight and wish me luck.

Mara

Oh, hai there.

Oh God, another frakking weight loss blog. Yes, it's true, and we're not even going to make any promises about this one being something Different! and Special! - Nope. Just three friends who finally decided that they had to get their butts in gear and do something about the whole obesity thing.

We honestly don't know how exactly this blog will work. One week it might be a daily food and exercise  log, the next it might just be bitching about weight loss being really stinking hard, because it is, we've all tried it before.  So, stay tuned!

Fat Club is: Emmy, Mara, Mk