Proper Introduction

Hi. My name is Mara. Let me first say, I've never been thin, so I by no means and expecting to be a model in a years time. Like Mary, I'm not going to set number goals. I will use numbers as references, but I've got a different goal. There are a lot of runners here in Morgantown. Girls in shorts and tees: running. They aren't always super skinny, but they look focused and healthy. Two things I am not. Thats my goal. I want to be on of those runners. I've got a long time to get there, and to start, I'm going to make some confessions. I suppose thats what I can call them. This is the kinda stuff I barely like to tell my self, let alone the world. But I think its a key part of my success. So here it goes.

I am fat. I look around at all the people around me, and when i see people of similar size to me, I think its gross, but I fail to realize thats what I look like. I don't see my self in mirrors very often, nor do I see my self in pictures.   When I do, it frequently ends in tears when I do. I am in a state of denial. I've thought a lot about how to break this. I've considered a daily photo diary, but its hard to take a picture of myself. I've though about getting my other half to do it, but honestly he hasnt been very supportive, though that is partially my fault. I've said over and over and over and over again that it was time to change and that this time was different. It never was different. (brace yourself for overloads of cliche) this time is different. Seriously though, it is. I am taking a different approach to this, and I've spent a lot more time thinking about the why. It is about me. It is about my health. It is about me feeling good about my self. Its about feeling good.

I need to change my relationship with food. First of all, I frequently eat out of habit rather then hunger. There are certain times in my day I usually eat. So hungry or not, I eat. this gives me extra unnecessary calories. I also love to cook. and eat. and have people eat my food I cooked. So here is where something else is going to come in. I'm going to find a healthy recipe, cook it, then tell you guys about it. at least once a week. I'm also going to set some rules for my self. 1. No more soda. I don't drink it much to begin with, but its done with now. 2. Eat breakfast. even if its just a rice cake, its something. I've got a few more rules in me but my eyelids refuse to stay open much longer.

And with that, I ate 1883 calories today.